11:47 am Just me

It’s been 9 or 10 months since I last posted. I’m not sure why I keep this website around. Some silly idea that I’ll update it on a regular basis.

Reading my last post, I have the feeling not much has changed. I still want a job so that we can get some help with the house. I still want to feel like a functioning useful member of society.

Things that have changed: I have a part-time minimum wage joe job. It’s close to home so that I can walk to work, which is nice. Over the summer I did walk quite a bit. Now that it’s colder, I wimp out and take the car when I can. I was getting 15 or so hours a week which is just enough to make our budget. With winter here and various staff returning from mat leave/European tours and other things, this week I got six. Six isn’t enough to justify getting out of bed in the morning. I don’t know what to do. No, that’s not true. I need to find a full time job. But that I don’t seem to be able to accomplish.

Depression has me in a tight hold right now. Everything seems like too much. I don’t have energy unless it is externally supplied. I’m totally frustrated with the house and parenting and money and and and. I set a goal of applying for one job a week. I haven’t managed that. I’ve asked Dale for help with applying for things and he agrees but when it comes to sitting down to do it…..

Part of that is the fact that he is doing most of the parenting these days. I just get too angry too easily. He’s almost ten and we still have issues with toileting. We haven’t even tried to night train yet. He’s getting better with accidents but I really just would like him to figure it out. I didn’t expect to still be dealing with poopy underwear at this age. Homework is another huge issue. I wish there was a magic wand I could wave and have him be able to focus on his school work enough to get it done with out one of us hovering.

Sigh. I’m going for a nap.

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