I’m not sure why I’m not asleep except that I woke up a little over an hour
ago and haven’t settled again yet.
Lots of not so happy thoughts are running through my head. Many to do with
fertility and babies. Miss Marble is in heat again. We really should get her
fixed. Some how it feels as though getting her (and her sister, Miss Dark)
fixed would be giving up on my own fertility.
I don’t even know if I/we really have issues there. Except for lack of
practice. I’m fairly sure that any doctor we consulted would tell us to go
away for the right weekend without the boy. Although I’m so bad at keeping
track of my cycle, I don’t know if I could predict the “right” weekend.
Somehow in the middle of the night, it’s all very depressing. I’m not even
sure if having another child would be a good thing for us. What would it do
to the boy? He’s already seven and conventional wisdom says that it would be
like starting a new family.
In some ways, the older the boy gets the more Dale and I fall into our old
semi-destructive habits. Having a second child would certainly curtail that.
Or cause us to be bankrupt rapidly.
Everything is up in the air. I’d like a way to make an actual informed
decision instead of a half-baked guess. I just don’t think that’s possible
though.
All my uncertainty is exacerbated by job stress. I love my job. The work is
interesting and varied. I make my own hours. I can work from home pretty
much whenever I need/want to. I get to car pool with Dale some days and
drive my own car others. It’s pretty awesome all round. The stress comes
from the risk of having both of us working in a start-up. Totally and
completely without safety net. I’d really like that part to change without
changing any other aspect of the job. Not asking for much am I?
It’s almost time for my alarm to go off. Guess I’ll start my day early.
I think I’ve got the email posting all figured out. We’ll find out with this
post.
I’d like to post more often but when I set the bar too high I intimidate
myself. However, as of today I’m starting a new posting category. I’m going
to make a short post when I make a choice that is healthier or smarter than
my default choice. As an example of what might end up here, I had milk with
lunch today instead of a coke. It’s a small thing but I’m trying to have
many small choices end up making a big change.
I started my raspberry ripple sweater today. The fibre is bamboo and so soft. It’s a small double knit and is “corked” instead of being spun. I don’t know how it’s going to look but if I don’t like it after the first part is finished I can just rip it out. (hahaha)
I’m using a tubular cast on. It’s hard to think about but pretty easy to do. I watched a video from Knitting Daily (http://www.knittingdaily.com/blogs/daily/archive/2008/11/19/learn-a-new-cast-on-tubular-cast-on-video.aspx) and read this article (http://www.woolfestival.com/articles/tubular_caston.htm) It’s pretty easy to do once you understand what to look for and where to do the pickups.
I’m hoping to have this sweater finished by Christmas but we’ll have to see. If I do that I won’t have Jeffrey’s blankie done for sure. Which project to choose? I’ve also got some Handmaiden in blues and greens that I want to turn into a shawl/scarf for a gift but I’ll not get that done for a while. Too many projects and too much gorgeous fibre! Dale says I never finish anything and it’s sort of true. But I just need someone to teach me how to put pieces together. I’ll learn someday.
We went on to a campfire with the 2nd Brookln Beavers and Cubs tonight. It was a gorgeous night for it. Warm, clear and bug free! but it was very very dark.
Snacks after the campfire were spider dogs and marshmallows. It was fun but tiring. The boy didn’t get to sleep until 9:30 so he’ll be tired tomorrow for sure. Nice change though.
I did one lap on the treadmill today and made no progress on Zelda. Other than that the three of us overdosed on candy and got extra sleep. It was a good weekend.
It’s almost that time of day again and so I’m here trying to make a new habit. I wonder if it’s worth trying to make the habit of doing this every day or if I should actually be trying to blog every morning? The problem is that I’m sleepy for many hours in the morning and therefore have nothing to write about. Not that this introspective on why I’m not blogging is terribly interesting but in the morning I’m pressed to come up with coherent sentences. And that’s in person folks, let alone writing.
I spent most of the day either watching someone else play video games or playing them. It felt like a nice day spent somewhat as a family. More exercise would have been better, but it was cold, raining and dark. The boy was fairly pleasant for the whole day and the friend he had over is certainly one of the more polite of the regulars.
Church tomorrow. I don’t want to be falling asleep during the sermon so I’d better hit the sack. Nite!
